“I hope because I was open about what happened to me, my children will insist on intimacy, on knowing their partner deeply, on being known deeply. I hope they will talk to their partners about money, about what will happen if the partnership ends. I hope that as they build trust in their relationships, they never lose sight of their own authority, their own voice, their own intuition. I hope they will move toward people who are in pain, rather than away. I hope they will understand that every person has experiences that make them who they are. I hope they will fall in love with abandon as I did with their father. I hope they will know, from watching me, that if everything falls apart, they can get up and piece together something new.”
― Belle Burden, Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage

Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage by Belle Burden was not what I expected. At the start of the pandemic in March 2020, Belle and her family left New York City for their house on Martha’s Vineyard. Belle, her husband, and their two daughters settled into a new version of life filled with fires, food, and quality family time. Their family was slightly fractured as their oldest son chose not to quarantine with their immediate family, instead spending time with friends. But none of them were prepared for their lives to change forever when, with no warning or explanation, Belle’s husband announced he was leaving her. They had been married for twenty years. He had been loving, caring, and steady, but overnight he became someone they didn’t recognize.

Desperate for answers, Belle examines her marriage. She searches their shared history, plus their individual family histories, to find clues and reasons for why he left them. He was not who she thought he was, so finding reasons for his behavior consumes her. Belle also examines what she has learned from previous women in her family about how to behave when betrayed. While she looks for answers, Belle slowly changes. Instead of being compliant, she becomes braver and uses her voice.

Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage was compelling, but not written with bitterness. The juxtaposition of how a pandemic changed the world while a marriage falls apart was very candid. She discusses how important it is to pay attention to how your individual finances exist within the confines of your marriage. She discusses how even though her circumstances were specific to her, the feelings of fear, grief, and low self-esteem are universal.

“It was having everything I had counted on collapse so suddenly, forcing me to let go of the idea that I could control outcomes.”
― Belle Burden, Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage